pg 48

What follows is a brief account
January 30, 2014, 7:42 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

I have been waiting for someone to ask me what I have in common with Curious George. But I am no fool. I realize that most likely I will be waiting a very long time; for this is a question that we in western society, and presumably the world over, ask each other rarely. When the time comes- while volunteering in my son’s kindergarten class maybe- and the question is finally posed to me, I imagine my pulse will quicken. Excited beads of sweat will form atop my bald head- the same bald head which sits up a little straighter whenever a hair plug commercial comes on.

I have passed entire afternoons fantasizing about who it will be that finally asks me the question. Their face, their gender, their outfit. Often I picture a beautiful woman. However, if it does end up being a beautiful woman then the kindergarten scenario no longer makes sense. This for a couple of reasons. One, my son’s kindergarten teacher is not a beautiful woman; she is, one can only presume, Billy Crystal’s stunt double. And two, because kindergarteners never turn out to be beautiful women. They always turn out to be children.

I picture a pleasant conversation. A woman and me. She doesn’t seem to care about my bald head or my vague smell of divorce. I am inexplicably charming. I make her laugh. The conversation turns to literature and then to the books of our childhoods. I ask her what her favourites were but really only so that she asks me. Her answer won’t be important. It’s about impressing her and proving that this is a woman who wants me. Her beauty is only tangentally related. What about you? She’ll ask. Oh I’ll say. I guess…I enjoyed Curious George.
And with confidence I say, we both owe our lives to a man in a hat. She’s hooked. What do you mean? She asks. The same man?


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