pg 48

June 22, 2011, 5:58 am
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i got out of bed at hmmm, i can’t remember. but suddenly i thought i had all the time in the world. i thought i could stop by the provincial licensing office and find the form i needed to dispute the subway infraction i got. or at least get 50 or 75 bucks off so that it was managable in the least. but i didn’t have that time. i had enough time to do whatever it is that got me out of the house and into the memory that i can at least carry on from making my way up main street to zoey at the coffee shop on the patio in the sun. and so suddenly i was there. from the 99 i believe. from a pace that walked me fast and confidently up main. and then she was there and i was. we started by talking about all the drama that surrounded our workplace and all the drama that was potentially awaiting us not 8 blocks and 40 minutes away.

i guess what zoey had been doing these last few days was driving her newly purchased turtle green vw bus back from the valley where the mechanic had raised (and safetied) her new beast. she went with dave, my best friend, her fiance, her life partner, her person that she’ll know for the rest of her life. on the way back their music died and they got to that place in 3 year relationships where it’s possible to be bored beside the person you love the most. they started talking about mind reading, esp, and if their connection made it so they were close enough and true enought that they could feel, know, sense what their lover was thinking. they started with colours, and moved to vegetables, can you guess what i’m thinking about, no?, let me send you the vibes i’m feeling that will tell you it’s a grapefruit i’m thinking about. that’s what they were doing. and zoey told me they did pretty well in her estimation, 20%, 3 out of 15, which she was over the moon about sitting beside me in the coffee light sun her hair her smile shining further and out as she told me without telling me how much she liked this boy she liked that she wants to like for the rest of her life.

and then we started playing, zoey and i. we started with fruits. it was my turn, i thought of the fruit and she tried to sense it. i picked a pear and when it came time for her to guess and for me to try to pass the sense of this pear onto her, i thought of a pear, a green unripe pear in its crunchy-ness, and i thought of someone washing it in a sink made by money, the water running down and dripping, falling off it. and she didn’t guess it. she guessed grapes i think? and so we moved onto tea. she guessed black, i had chosen sleepytime and she laughed. adn the man beside us on the patio, with his laptop and his business adn his serious face had smiled. because he likes sleepytime tea?

today was warm that got warm while i was on the bus, wlaking from my house, so that i chose my clothes for the day poorly. by the time i made it to the patio at main and 26th i was sweating in my sweater in my pants during the silence that lay between zoey and i as we thought about the fact that her and i really weren’t tuned into each other. before i got there she had been reading a book that somebody before her had read, somebody who liked the book so much they went out to the office supply store and had bought those post-it notes that were thimbles in size that could be put into pages of books when a particular passage jumped out. i looked at that book and thought about questions. i looked at that book adn thought about that cover, its green and its confidence.

i wanted to get a coffee because i had been up until 8am working an overnight shift which made me resort to sleeping until noon, 4 hours, and jumping out of bed, washing my face and making my way to zoey half asleep. the coffee shop. we were sitting at a coffee shop, of course i should buy some especially now that i’ve come into all that money for the next two weeks which stems from me house-sitting my dad’s dental hygenist’s mother’s house while she goes to my dad’s dental hygenist’s son’s graduation. she paid me 200 bucks! what will i do. for one thing, i’ll buy a coffee earlier today sitting with zoey at main and 26th.

just before i went in to buy this coffee with all the money i had zoey turned the conversation to what i was about to do. her plan that she would think of a word, and while i was talking with, ordering from, the beautiful woman behind the counter with her tattoo’s and style, i would come to sense this word that zo had thought of and come to incorporate it into the conversation with the beautiful barista in front of me.

and then it’s my turn. i’m standing, i’m talking, i’ve ordered and we’re in that awkward 2 minutes where my coffee isn’t ready yet and it’s her and i, in front of each other and then it hits me, zoey’s word hits me. it’s ‘balloon’ that’s the word. so i think and then i say, ‘do you know of anywhere i could go in the area to get a helium balloon?’ and she says no. but she thinks i’m cute so she’s patient and she turns behind her to the coworker and asks him, ‘do you know of anywhere to get a helium balloon?’ and he says no. and then this girl, the barista who hopefully thinks i’m cute, says to me that the guy i’m sitting beside out on teh patio (which means she’s noticed me) might be able to look it up on his computer. i don’t want to go that deep because i don’t like talking to strangers normally and i don’t want to take this zoey guessing esp any further than it has gone already and then as i’m in line, talking to this barista, thinking about an excuse where i won’t have to ask this regular to search his laptop and the internet, the woman behind me waiting to order says, ‘wait!’ what about main and terminal by the trainstation the one that just opened i bet they’ll have balloons even though when you first asked you said you preferred south main not north main. and i thakned her and i thanked the barista, adn the three of us, well the four of us, me the barista the woman and the coworker all nodded our heads together and thought yeah, we’ve solved this problem. we did it! and then i said thanks one more time, shared a smile with the woman behind me on my way out and made my way back to zo excited and certain that ‘balloon’ had been the word and that magic was about to explode all over the world in the face of me and zo on our way to work at the elementary school at 33rd that was awaiting us with all that drama because katrina had left.

i’m outside now. i’m face to face with zo and haven’t been this excited to see her in i don’t know how long if ever to find out what what is the word she had sent to me. i ask if it was in fact ‘balloon’ and she says no. it was ‘asscrack’ ugh. how am i ever able to express my disappointment?

turns out that’s irrelevant because i’m so excited to tell her about the balloon development from inside the coffee shop. we start walking south her and i with about 20 minutes to go before work starts at 2pm. i tell her the story. she gets excited despite her disappointment that i didn’t guess it was ‘asscrack’. ugh.

instead we start walking. from beans and up to king ed, past lucky comics the one that had apparently had its windows smashed in the riots even though it was nowhere near downtown. are they lying? we kept walking up main. after king ed i’ve come to feel like that’s the part of town that feels like home. red cat is there. so is solly’s. and au petite main, and splitz. and chaise. it’s a familiar area, sd galleria and all.

zo comes to say that now that i’ve brought this word balloon into the lives of all these people. the barista, the woman behind me, the coworker, zo herself, that balloons are bound to make an appearance in my life in some capacity. she quotes a month. that i should look out for balloons for the next month and their significance. i am prone to agree. something about what she’s saying queue’s me deep and i don’t know what to think besides the fact that in the future in the present that things outside of my true reality exist and that i’m blessed to know them whenever they come through.

we keep walking zoey and i. we stop and she holds my coffee while i reach into my pocket and pull out a cigarette that i need to smoke before going into work for 4 hours that i know i won’t be able to have until 6pm that night. zo holds my coffee. i make a joke about it and she smiles in a way that you can tell she’s half annoyed. i appreciate zoey.

the back story of this day involves our coworker katrina, the one who’s leaving, the one who i’m closest to and the one that i don’t know what i’m going to do in this job wihtout. she’s leaving. and ultimately it’s a good thing outside of myself that she’s the one who’s getting a better paying job that’s in her neighborhood that calls on the skills she went to school for (recreational therapy). we work, katrina myself meemo karin and casuals, at a job that has a set schedule for the next two months so the fact that katrina’s leaving draws the whole thing into drama that we can only come to know once it’s upon us. katrina’s leaving, our boss is pissed about it, she might not even give kat a good reference that’s the thing.

so this is what zoey and i were walking into. the first day after knowing that katrina’s leaving and that our boss is pissed about it. and we’ve been spending the time before thinking about what balloons mean to our lives as examples of positive community thinking. and we get into work, zo and i, to find katrina and jazmine and allistar and meemo and no karin thank god and we set up the center and then allistar tells us about the horrific accident he aided on his way home from work and we condolence him and we get it all together and then we get to the point in the day where we look at the attendance sheet and we look at what it is that’s been set on the calender for programming that day. and i’m sitting at the table. and katrina is stting at the table and so is zoey and i love her and i love katrina and all at once i love my family those coworkers and then i turn to the schedule to see what it is that’s been planned. on the schedule is only two words. ‘karin’s balloon’s’. our boss. the one we couldn’t stand and the one that had the wherewithall to be gone for the day. i can’t think of anywhere other than this job that i would rather be with these people, you know?


June 22, 2011, 4:50 am
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allistar took his british accent home not five mintues too late to miss the accident he came to see at granville and 10th. second on the scene, first with cpr training he had the problem of being the one standing at the very front of a car burrowed deep into the back of a bus so deep that the four people inside couldn’t be rescued. for his ptsd, allistar didn’t know but had a good sense that 3 of the 4 of them were dead. he hasn’t told us how as of yet, what he saw, but left to our own imaginations and around the corner wonderings, can only assume the worst- heads off bodies, skin torn off, things of that nature that could bring a man, a kind man, to tears the next day as he transitions from a celebratory talk of katrina’s new job to that. we had no idea what he was about to say when he started talking, could it be that we had done something wrong? or that he was leaving? what of it and how of it? it’s strange the way people are brought into lives. it’s strange the way they can just as suddenly be taken out. the world.

June 22, 2011, 4:45 am
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you didn’t think about it when i left the tub running and now can’t find my way out of the bathroom without unleashing a flood the magnitude of which we can only understand in its aftermath.

June 19, 2011, 6:40 am
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her lips her face no that’s the frustration that i don’t think about those things until i’m done thinking about how she doesn’t like to talk, share and how i come to question my route as a result. where oh