pg 48

April 6, 2011, 5:35 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

and then all of a sudden i missed everyone at once. i missed the room above the bedrooms, my little office, where i could stand a watch the lights of the town grow stronger and stronger before dimming into a pile of morning light that rendered the warmth of what just happened irrelevant. i can walk strongly home and i can stop and get a coffee from the woman who serves coffee more than i could tell but i never wanted to ask her anything besides if she had the time because of how her beauty cast a warmth that any common any lay person could see and trust in her face and in my face i grow tired just thinking about what i have to do when i must come down from my little office to serve breakfast to those who care but can’t show that they do. there’s a lightness to the morning, a vulnerability that shows what we’re doing and where we’re going in a room full of people who may not know which way is up when we all come together to find that this smattering of folks, one from here another from there are all fitting together into a puzzle of pleasant conversation that before it happened none of us knew was possible. remember how i would lock the door to the kitchen to ensure the knives weren’t used for anything but cutting butter and portioning out the rocks that we would buy at the cheapest grocery store in town because the budgets of everyone had been cut cut cut down, all by 5% that gave us all, those affected by 5% cuts, something to talk about when the truth of it all came out over coffee and tea and small snacks that our boss told us we had to figure out for ourselves how to get and wear the clothes that none of us would normally be comfortable in. and then the mayor showed up with her smile and her pocket telephone that everyone there could tell was important because of how often she kept checking it and how often we all had to readjust the silk shirts tucked into pants and the bunches of pantyhose that crept up closer the longer we all had to stand there like statues and wonder if when we got home the dog was already walked or if the woman we wanted to get to know better was alone for good or if her weekend was only actually a weekend. how much can you try to figure out from the point you start from and how much can you come to know if you just turn around, stop for a moment and open that book that we all thought was far too boring to read in one sitting (let alone ten). i miss you and i miss you and i miss my little midnight office and i miss being lonely in a town that wouldn’t let me be.


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