pg 48


April 6, 2011, 4:59 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

maybe opening the letter on my doorstep in my underwear was the reason the letter had to say what it did. after all, there were all those kids in the park across the street playing their hearts out as much as can be expected on a lunch break on a cloudy day. did any of them notice me drop my head and crumple the news into the pocket of the sweater i was wearing hoping that the next time i pulled it out it would say exactly the opposite? did any of them think my sleep attire inappropriate? do i care now that i know i now won’t be eastbound in the fall. instead i’m going to pack a suitcase and fill it with dirt and leave it on the corner of the street across from where i sit in my weathered lawn chair that at this stage of its life looks like it may be what convinced me to keep the sweatpants on and the scruff on my face far longer than the book on grief told me i should be grieving. we’re not going to make anything out of sadness that doesn’t involve anything but a pile of unspoken thoughts that somehow we can both sense each other are feeling as strongly as we know we are ourselves. sad really how bad an aftermath phone call can be.

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