pg 48

i want to tell you what’s been happening at the lake:

first things first, there are less trout this year. in fact, if only based on us and what we haven’t found, it would be entirely accurate to say this: there are no trout. not a single trout. this has added an entirely melancoly tinge to the old adage around here which is, as you know, ‘if you don’t like pickerel, you can always get trout.’ ever the valiant one, your brother dale has thrown himself to the task of finding them. it has created a great deal of anxiety and tension that i worry will boil over. he’s been up every morning, whispering to himself (and the fish, in equal parts) in that gruff tone of his that manages to rasp its way under the crack of the door and into my ears. not that it matters. what have you done for me trout? where’s my sandwich trout? my back is sore, who wants to rub it? certainly not trout. that bastard left me, abandoned me years ago. that kind of thing.

i’ve been crying a lot. there was a moment in operation dumbo drop, and another in (we’ve been watching a lot of movies to pass the time)

t-this cut hurts, it burns i can feel it burning all last night it burned. i thought my pillow was getting hotter i thought my dreams lit it on fire.
m-no you didn’t, we need to work, you said yourself, we need to work
t-so i got up in the middle of the night, i KEPT getting up in the middle of the night to look at it, see if it wasn’t spreading. it’s so smooth. how can something so smooth hurt and burn
m-it can’t. how much did you expect to get done today? did you bring the homework like i asked? what about the notebook? your glasses? lunch? you didn’t htink about lunch. you didn’t bring us lunch. i saw you come in and i know you didn’t have any lunch with you. and now i’m going to get hungry. i could’ve made lunch. i was right there. in the kitchen. thinking about lunch. i bought bread and i kept it, i didn’t leave it out like last time because last time, well, you know what happened last time, we WROTE about last time. it came out good.
t-i want to write about the burn
m-we’re not, no. that won’t work, there is no burn
t-touch it! it’s hot, go ahead and fucking touch it. it’s hot.
m-it’s not going to be hot. what about the rest of your head, the part of your head that isn’t smooth, that isn’t shaved bald, that you didn’t shave bald. is that hot? well i bet not [at this rhyme, m, starts dancing around the kitchen, laughing at his rhyme, then starts looking for lunch]
m-not under the notebook. lunch? give it to me lunch, take me to the movies lunch. buy me a necklace lunch. thank you lunch, you’re right lunch this is a new dress. i bought it down the street, half off, two for the price of one but i said no, i want half, one dress i told her, it’s the same. but the girl wouldn’t listen, shopkeeper. i talked it down, i said, hey, listen. i’m buying this for lunch. she didn’t care about you lunch, she didn’t. i stole this dress for you lunch.
t-i brought lunch. [t takes two eggs out of his pocket, he sets one down and hold the other. the one set down starts rolling off the table, t goes to grab it but can't. the egg rolls off the table and t catches it, juggles the two eggs and drops one. t looks down at it, quietly upset, frustrated in the face only, t takes the other egg and smashes it against his smoooth bald patch. the lights go down while the sounds of eggs frying in a pan fill the room in darkness]

doctor-there’s scrambled egg in your hair
t-my beard hair? i know, i didn’t have time
d-no your head, on your head there’s egg.
t-lunch
d-i would’ve guessed breakfast
t-it was lunch.
d-do you eat ketchup on your eggs,
t-if i have the time
d-if you have the time? where’s your fridge, you keep your ketchup in the fridge i assume
t-no, no, no. the cupboard. i don’t have the time.

zeroes-pvc
florence and the machine-you’ve got the love (xx remix)
young rival-your island
barbara acklin-am i the same girl
lissie-wedding bells
dmst-do

http://maggiegroat.blogspot.com/

and you’re right of course. i do want to sleep with cake. i want to bake it, spend all afternoon baking it. the nicer the cake the better the feeling. i want to get more people in my bed. 2 people 3 people. everybody stay completely still. too many people and well, we’ve got a problem. because then someone will wake up and purposely ruin the cake or purposely not ruin it.

kurt vile-blackberry song
tiesto-kaleidoscope ft jonsi

-what is something about your life that doesn’t align with who you are (or wish you were)?
-what is your guilty pleasure and why does it make you feel guilty?
-write about something you lost
-what is a family of personal tradition you cherish? (pumpkin carving, anniversary, etc)
-what is something that you turn to, to lift you up out of a bad mood?
what would you do with a free day and no restrictions?
-write about someone you miss
-what’s one lesson you would want to teach your children if you had them?
-what’s something that inspires you?
-if you had unlimited money to buy someone you know something, what would you buy and for whom?
-what song brings back a memory? write about the memory
-what is your latest obsession?
-what’s your number one pet peeve? develop a punishment for anyone caught in the act
-write about an intense game of scrabble that takes a turn for the worse
-what gives you hope?
-how can you be kinder to yourself?
-write about a time you said, ‘what did i do that for?’
-what would you do if you knew you would not fail?
-on my walls i would write….
-do you have a recurring dream?
-what are you grateful for right now?
-my day wouldn’t be complete without…
-what’s the hardest decision you ever made?
-what’s the best advice you received that encouraged you to follow your dreams? (or advice you’d give to others…)
-has your life turned out how you imagined? why or why not?
-what do you always put off doing? why?
-what was the last thing that made you laugh out loud?
-write about something you’ve always wanted to learn?
-when you look into your eyes, what do you see?
-what’s something you want to accomplish before you die?
-if i had one day to do over and over, what would i want to do?
-what is your favourite thing about where you live?
-write about a time when something that then seemed small happened but then it ended up changing your life
-what is your favourite word? why?
-write about an apology either received or given
-what’s something you do everyday just for yourself?
-write about the last time you were up all night
-what’re you keeping your fingers crossed for?
-what was the last brave thing you did?
-what’re your favourite days of summer filled with?
-after years of leading a normal life, you discover you have a special ability. afraid to share this information with just anyone, you confide only in your closest friend. to your surprise, your friend shares some information with you-he also has a super power.
-write about a time you lied
-what is your most prized possession?
-how do you feel about your name?
-what is one talent/ability you wish you had?
-create art around one of your quirks/idiosyncrasies
-if you could do something to make a big impact on the world, what would it be?

pathos-a noun that evokes pity or sadness

magnanimous-adjective, generous or forgiving, especially towards a rival or less powerful person

lugubrious-adjective, mournful; sad and dismal

vituperative-adjective, bitter and abusive

sartorial-adjective, relating to tailoring, clothes, or style of dress

hermeneutic-adjective, concerning interpretation, especially of the bible or literary texts

slovenly-untidy and dirty

egregious-outstandingly bad

archaic-belonging to former or ancient times

destitute-extremely poor and lacking the means to provide for oneself

surreptitious-done secretly or furtively

sclerotic-rigid, unable to adapt

there are many reasons why, all of which i will outline for you in this letter, just as you asked me to. we’ve got the time, both of us do. i’ve got the entire week ahead of me in this cabin, holed away, empty, and you, you have a plane ride, a 20 hour plane ride at that and with nothing to read. so i’m going to try and make this as long as possible then. i’ve never written anything particularly long. all of my essays were the opposite, jammed in as small as possible. 3 to 5 pages you say? i chose 3, words with luxurious amounts of space on the page, i mean i can well and agree the papers weren’t any good but at least i gave the words contained within a wide berth you know, let them breathe. how many of your students do that? well most of them i guess. in any case, this is going to be long i promise. i’m going to try and sneak it into your carry-on before we leave for the airport but i don’t know if that’ll work. after all this is going to be long (have i mentioned that) and hand written so i imagine you’ll notice a certain amount of paper in your bag.

and i’m going to try and make you cry. what i haven’t decided is whether i want them to be tears of joy or those of sadness. and i realize i shouldn’t have told you this plan of mine but as i said, i’m going to try and make this letter as long as possible. maybe you will erect barriers, rub vaseline in the corners and underneath to make it burn, but there tears will be there anyway. but then again, by the time you get to the end, by the time you’ve come out the other side of being gripped, your knuckles receding white as you relieve pressure on the pages, shocked at yourself you were that engrossed. that i could be so engrossing.

it’s funny in a way, you and i, in that there are so many stories left to tell. you don’t know why my parents named me otis, where they found that horrible, god awful piece of shit moniker. and it wasn’t the dumpster, i asked.

this place is perfect. completely relaxing, a respite from what’s come so far and what i imagine is waiting for me on the other side of this week. i had trouble finding the road. they didn’t tell me there is a tobacco lake road and a tobacco lake road north as well. being the first i saw, i took road north. wrong road with unfriendly, or paranoid, cottagers who feel the need to making it not only near impossible, from the looks of it, to break into these front yards but also for late night drivers to turn their car around without flattening half the road’s adjouring bushes. excuse me. so from getting out of it and then having to pull out the flashlight to recheck the map, unsure which way to take to drive around the entire lake looking for, pray god, a tobacco road south. by this point as well i was

i live to fish but i also fish to live…to fish